he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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