I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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