Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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