Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
