a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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