if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
