john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
