ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fuck appropriateness.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
