while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
