I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
