Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Alive.
So much puke
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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