What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious