we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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