Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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