found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
