Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
