I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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