We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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