I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize