Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
