Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
