Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
