i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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