I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
