If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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