i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
