Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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