I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm getting married
To pizza
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
