***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so explain again why im purple
no
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
