You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Panties = found
Randomize
