I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
