Your face is a jimmy john
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.