i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?