I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize