We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.