ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
