the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
