I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
