Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
