maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
