I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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