I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Randomize
