got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
