Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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