So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Found the puke drawer
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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