Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
