I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
