Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
