Define "chronic" masturbator.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
