Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
