Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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