i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
