What did we do last night that was yellow?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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