I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
