Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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