i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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