Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
