New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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