brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
