There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
