I just cut my nipple shaving
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
