the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
