he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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