I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
