I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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