I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
