Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he thought i was a dude.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
