I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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