Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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