the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
