see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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