Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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