people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
