she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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