by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
