ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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