please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
