Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
